Yelling, Hebrews 4.14-16, and 1000 Gifts: Monday Musings {02.20.12}

I Hate Yelling

I really hate yelling.

And yet I’ve been yelling a LOT lately. Way too much in fact.

David has stopped listening, and I’ve started yelling to try to get his attention. Only problem? He still doesn’t listen even when I yell.

So I’m really just yelling for no reason.

Yelling

And, because she’s heard me yell so much lately, Jenny has started yelling a lot lately, especially when David is bothering her or not doing what she wants him to do.

Today, neither of the kids was listening and it was getting extremely close to being time to leave the house. After asking, then telling them to get the house picked up and get themselves ready to go, they were both still messing around and were not listening at all.

The yelling began.

I yelled: “Please do what you were told to do. I’m getting upset, and I really don’t want to be upset with you!”

All I could think was, “I hate yelling. I really, really hate yelling!”

Thankfully, Jenny got the message – Mommy was at her breaking point – and she began to do as she had been told.

David, however, was a different story.

But such is the case with him most of the time lately.

Any ideas on getting a 3.5 year old boy to listen and obey?

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Hiding God’s Truths in My Heart

Hebrews 4.14-16

{Be sure to link up your Scripture memory posts below!!}

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Counting My Gifts: #136-160

coffee date with a friend

extra diapers in the church nursery {I donated our old diapers when David finished potty training MONTHS ago, only to have him end up needing one during a meeting on Wednesday night}

productive meetings

Little Man’s first visit to the dentist

no cavities or other issues with my teeth

lunch dates with my family

the local Chinese buffet

a new iPhone

helpful and knowledgeable sales people

kid-friendly AT&T store

a new client

renewed Amazon Prime membership {I heart two-day shipping}

kids who play well together *most of the time*

time spent with my aunt

time spent with my parents and sister

“Grandpa-time” for David

“Grandma-time” for Jenny & David

games and puzzles that educate while the kids play

green lights and light traffic when I’m running late

a line at Starbucks to prevent me from spending money on a coffee I don’t need

well-behaved kids {mostly} while grocery shopping

a clean car

a package from Amazon.com

an OtterBox for my new phone

“quiet” time for my kids

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Link up your Hiding God’s Truths in My Heart posts:

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Caffeinated Conversations {05.30.11}

Caffeinated Conversations {09.03.11}

I'm Guest Posting Today on The Feminine Intellect

Category: Faith, Family

Tag: Hiding God's Truths in My Heart

MomLaurM

Oh my GOODNESS! How many times during the day do I catch myself YELLING “STOP YELLING!” at the kids?!?! I hate it too. It is my fault though, for not being consistent in what I’m asking them to do, having them obey right away, then when they don’t, instead of dealing with it, just yelling at them to get them to move faster.

3.5 year old boy or girl – hard to get to listen :D But MAKE SURE that he’s heard you – down on eye level. It depends on if it is a matter of distraction and he didn’t hear you, or defiance/slow to obey, and then you may need to discipline.

Keep it up! you’re an encouragement to me, that I’m not alone, and all your great verses you’re memorizing! Thanks for sharing!

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

I think a lot of the time it’s a battle of wills between me and him… he’s learning that if he doesn’t listen, he will end up on time out WITH Mommy {I do time out with him because that’s what works best for him}.

http://www.brownpaperandstrings.com/ Jamie H

Yes, I too hate yelling, and yet sometimes feel like I have to do it.

You can get a 3.5 year old boy to listen, but it takes something different from yelling, like threatening all of the things he loves. nah, kidding, but with a little seriousness. ;) Boys are definitely harder to comprehend.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Yelling will occasionally get his attention, but it doesn’t seem to affect his obedience. Time outs seem to be the best solution, but since I have to go on time-out WITH him for it to be effective, it’s more difficult for me to enforce {since it infringes on my time}. Definitely an intentional parenting moment!

http://damselandfamily.com/ Damsel

Get close to him, touch him, and whisper. This is what I have to do for our 3 year old daughter. When I’m whispering, it makes her curious about what I’m saying and she’ll strain to listen. Reverse psychology!

I know that when my son was that age, I had to be sure I had his attention before I told him anything. Now I call his name and ask him to look at my face before I tell him what I need to tell him. Then I require a verbal response (“Yes, ma’am”) to let me know that he heard me.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Thanks for the advice – I have found that he definitely needs eye-contact!

http://wifemothersisterfriendwoman.wordpress.com/ Anna Spafford

I hate yelling at my kids also. I wish I could say they don’t listen when I yell, but they actually do listen better when I am yelling. That really makes it all the more frustrating because they don’t listen until I am yelling AND losing my mind. I am trying to force myself to change this pattern. My Mother was a yeller, and I think we have built in patterns in our lives that have to be broken in order to make a new pattern…. I am seeking God to change this… I have been for several years now… I just keep believing He has the answers and will help me overcome this.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Isn’t it funny the patterns we see emerging in our lives? Let’s continue to seek God’s guidance and help in breaking these harmful patterns!

Jennifer

Oh man, I’m so there with the yelling. And apparently I nit-pick…didn’t think I did. But I hear my oldest daughter doing it with her wiser and I hear myself so clearly in her. Ugh. As for getting a little boy to listen….no idea. Lol

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

It’s amazing the things we learn about ourselves while watching our kids! I knew I was yelling too much, but I didn’t realize how much until Jenny started replicating my behavior!

http://journeytoepiphany.wordpress.com/ kd sullivan

Oops! I linked up and I thought that I was filling out a comment box…I’m sorry my post has NOTHING to do with scripture memorization… I know what you mean about yelling…the only thing I get from it is high blood pressure.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

HBP… amen!

http://gr8day2save.com/ Nona

I hate yelling too. Ugh. Glad I’ve stopped yelling for the most part, but unfortuately, I can still yell. Thanks for sharing your heart. I enjoyed reading it.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

I had stopped awhile back… but somewhere along the line, I started back up again. Praying that God can mold my heart to respond in love!

Denise Oldham

Great advice.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Thanks, Denise!

http://www.MomKaboodle.com Stephanie (MomKaboodle)

I hear ya, Ashley. We’ve had all kinds of yelling (and nasty tones) here. My words/tone are reflected in the kids’ words/tone….and we’re stuck in an endless, awful loop.
I’ve got to try whispering, instead. Supposedly that works better. ;o)
Praying for you!

http://www.MomKaboodle.com Stephanie (MomKaboodle)

Forgot to say that I LOVE your pic of you “yelling” – too cute!

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Aww… thanks! :)

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Whispering and singing are the two things I’ve tried this week – both help me to relax and address the situation appropriately!

Shanda Oakley

I hate yelling too and I married a man who raises his voice (aka yelling) Soon the whole family did the same.
I have found that if I drop my voice to almost a whisper, they often follow suite. Like a chain reaction!
It is very hard though!!! Often our family yells over each other.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Setting the example is the difficult part! My husband tends to be more of a yeller, but he hates when I yell. I tend to follow his example rather than setting my own. It’s definitely a learning process!
http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Setting the example is the difficult part! My husband tends to be more of a yeller, but he hates when I yell. I tend to follow his example rather than setting my own. It’s definitely a learning process!

Pingback: Memorizing Colossians 3:12-17 — Serving From Home
Jamie (@va_grown)

We go through this too. I told my kids that I really, really want our home to be a home where we all speak softly and kindly, so they’re quick to point out when I’m yelling at them. It can be a grit-teeth moment to keep my temper for sure!

With our boys I find that if I simply tell them and that doesn’t work I walk over to them quietly and take their arm to move them in the right direction. I just quietly remove whatever is distracting them (toys, etc.) or break their involvement in the game, or whatever, and head them toward whatever they were told. I try to do it WITHOUT repeating myself (I really do try!) to keep from weakening my expectations for 1st time obedience. Or after breaking their distraction I might get eye contact and ask if they heard me. Usually they say yes and get to it, but sometimes they have told me no and I’m willing to repeat it again. (I’ve read that boys are very good at tuning out when they’re playing.)

This just takes much more commitment from ME. I have to GO make them do what they are told after the first time I say it.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

”This just takes much more commitment from ME. I have to GO make them do what they are told after the first time I say it.”

Yes! This is what I’m learning to be the case… especially with David. If I tell him to do something and then don’t follow through with him, he learns that I must not really mean for him to obey. It’s definitely been a learning process and lifestyle change the past few weeks as I seek to be more intentional and diligent about following through!
http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

”This just takes much more commitment from ME. I have to GO make them do what they are told after the first time I say it.”

Yes! This is what I’m learning to be the case… especially with David. If I tell him to do something and then don’t follow through with him, he learns that I must not really mean for him to obey. It’s definitely been a learning process and lifestyle change the past few weeks as I seek to be more intentional and diligent about following through!

http://changedbythemaker.com/ Michelle @ Changedbythemaker

I don’t yell so much as I “control” with my voice, and yes, unfortunately, I can hear the tone in my oldest son’s voice when he is trying to control his brother…sigh.

I was going to suggest something that I’ve read before from James Dobson. He says to make sure you go and touch your son and get his attention before you give him directions. Another homeschool speaker I heard, a dad, said that you first need to teach your children to come when you call them. Don’t give any directions until they come when they are called, but that might have to start out with going and touching him first. This encourages learning without so many mistakes and negative consequences along the way. If you do this repeatedly, he will not be able to “not listen” and will hopefully build a routine of responding.
I like that method because I just generally felt better about consequences if I knew that they had heard me and then had chosen not to obey–otherwise, I was never sure they had actually heard me.All that said, as Mom, I still like to give out directions on the fly and expect my boys to listen. It just doesn’t always work. It works better when I call them to me and then give the directions.

Thanks for your honesty. Yelling happens, and I hate it too.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Thank you so much for that advice! I have found that getting David’s attention – touch and eye contact – has helped him realize the importance of listening to me and doing what I say.
http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Thank you so much for that advice! I have found that getting David’s attention – touch and eye contact – has helped him realize the importance of listening to me and doing what I say.

http://theemptynestexpress.com/ Ms. Kathleen

When my kids were little we went through that “phase”. I started to talk really soft so the kids would have to stop and listen. If they whined I would not reply or even look their way. It took a lot of self discipline on my part to stick to it and not lose it. It takes a lot to get me to lose it and yell nowadays but I was not always that way. But, I’m very human as my post for today will tell you. You have a wonderful list of thanks :) God is good!! Have a wonderful weekend.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Glad to hear that I can “grow out of it” as I seek to be intentional! :)
http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Glad to hear that I can “grow out of it” as I seek to be intentional! :)

http://twitter.com/jenniferajanes Jennifer Janes

I struggle with the yelling thing too. I do better sometimes than others. You’re right, though. It doesn’t help. It actually makes things worse. You’re definitely dealing with a heart issue with your son. I don’t know what to tell you except that I’m praying for great wisdom for you right now.

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Thank you, Jennifer! It has definitely gotten better in the past week or so, as I’ve been intentional about getting “in his face” when he is disobeying. Definitely more effective than yelling!
http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Thank you, Jennifer! It has definitely gotten better in the past week or so, as I’ve been intentional about getting “in his face” when he is disobeying. Definitely more effective than yelling!

RedOakLane

I love the Chinese buffet and Amazon Prime! As for getting a 3.5 year old boy to listen, not sure and today is definitely not the day for me to answer…I feel like I lost it and was yelling more than I should have today :(

http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Prayers and hugs, sweet friend!!
http://blog.ashleypichea.com Ashley Pichea

Prayers and hugs, sweet friend!!

http://www.simplyprudent.net/ Jenni @ Simply Prudent

This is something I need to work as well. It’s so easy to start yelling when frustrated. btw, I love the new blog design! :)