Masks:

Yesterday in Sunday school, we were talking about raising our kids. It’s a marriage and family class. We’re currently watching Dr. Paul David Tripp’s series on Getting to the Heart of Parenting, and though last week seemed a bit “obvious” to me, yesterday’s lesson still has me evaluating and pondering and trying to figure out what this parenting thing I’m doing is supposed to look like.

I’ve been trying to come up with the words to describe what I’m chewing over internally – but the words have yet to come together to make sense of the concepts. And if you know me, that’s saying something. Almost 36 hours later and I’m still stuck to verbalize what I heard in a succinct manner.

First, we talked about how the family is a learning community – specifically, the part of this week’s lesson that I’m struggling with {what it looks likes} was on how the family is to be a redemptive learning community.

Some points I picked up from the video:

• Our standards for our family ought to create tension in our children – they ought to recognize that can’t live up to the standards.
• Without a recognition of sin {failure to live up to the standards}, we can’t accept God’s grace and forgiveness.
• We need to raise children who understand and acknowledge their need for Jesus.
• We’re too good at raising self-righteous children, not unrighteous kids in need of a Savior.
• There needs to be a sense of dependency on God, EVERY DAY, for grace and forgiveness in our failures.

Basically, we need to stop creating a church full of kids who can quote the Bible and look good on the outside but who have no love for God on the inside. Instead of creating cookie-cutter mini-Christians, we ought to be setting our kids up to fail, so that they can learn from their failures – learning to trust God and love Him with their all.

After watching the video, we began to discuss what we’d learn/gleaned. And it wasn’t long before the topic of masks came into our discussion…

First, we agreed with Dr. Tripp’s analysis that the church is good at producing regurgitating, self-righteous kids.

We teach kids how to put on the mask of the “good Christian” when they come to church, so that they will “fit in” and everyone will cheer for them as they “live for Christ.”

Then, we identified that too often we take our masks home from church with us.

• We tend to hide our wrong-doings from our children, not allowing them to learn from our example of repentance and seeking grace. They begin to see us as “super Christians” – a standard they can never live up to.
• We set standards for our kids to live up to, but we don’t leave room for failure – no grace learned and experienced. We “force” them into a mold that we have set, and they quickly learn to hide their imperfections behind the mask of the mold.

As parents, we need to first be willing to take off our own masks – at church, and especially at home, in front of our kids. We need to set an example of daily dependence on God in order to live up to His standard, being quick to admit our failures and asking forgiveness and accepting His grace. This needs to be done in such a way as to teach our kids what grace truly is.

Secondly, we need to set our kids up for failure – we need to have a standard that is in alignment with the Word of God, and we need to hold our kids to it. Let them know up-front that they will fail to live up to it – but that when they do, you will be there to love and support them as they learn from their failures and seek God’s grace.

We need to create an environment of openness and honesty – our kids need to be able to come to us with their failures and weaknesses, knowing we will be there to love and support them as they face the consequences of their actions. Our children should never be afraid to tell us when they’ve fallen short of the standard – they need to know that Romans 3.23 is true about their parents as it is about them!

Like I said in the beginning – I’m still processing all of this… it’s very much still a work-in-progress in my own heart and head.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback on this topic… how have you been intentional about creating a redemptive learning community in your family?

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Hiding God’s Truths in My Heart

{Be sure to link up your Scripture memory posts below!!}

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Counting My Blessings…

#36 – a BEAUTIFUL sunshine-y and snow-y day!! {seriously – this made me so giddy}

#37 – Jenny’s ability to make breakfast and lunch

#38 – independent and semi-self-sufficient children

#39 – emails from the DCS office {about our adoption process}

#40 – the ability to be “on-call” as a babysitter for our friends

#41 – a solid week of homeschooling in the midst of being under the weather

#42 – a weekly coffee date with a good friend

#43 – having the opportunity to play volleyball arise the day after realizing how much I was missing it

#44 – having said volleyball match cancelled due to weather {my back wouldn’t have appreciated me playing}

#45 – discovering that there’s a free mom’s time out program next door to our neighborhood

#46 – reconnecting with a friend via Facebook and text messages

#47 – having friends to dinner

#48 – watching Courageous with our friends and being encouraged by it

#49 – being able to be certified in CPR in under two hours

#50 – playing in the snow with my kids

 

#51 – a great Sunday school class

#52 – incredibly Christian growth and living resources

#53 – lots of babies in the nursery at church {so I can get my “baby fix”}

#54 – cell phones & texting

#55 – lunch with friends

#56 – small groups at church

#57 – Sunday afternoon naps

#58 – good books to read

#59 – authors who encourage and challenge me through their stories

#60 – Chinese take-out

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Link up your Hiding God’s Truths in My Heart Posts:

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