“For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?”
{Luke 9.25}
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I wrote this post. And then it disappeared – literally vanished into thin air as I began to format it to publish.
And so, I wondered – I wondered if perhaps my first draft was hypocritical.
In my first draft, I talked about how I had been struggling with this verse “a few weeks ago” – how I “had learned” to stop trying and start resting.
But in all reality, it’s a lesson I’m still learning. And perhaps I haven’t learned it well enough yet.
When I lost the original post, I wanted to cry – not because the post was lost, but because of the reason that God allowed the post to vanish. The raw revelation that I didn’t have it all “figured out,” but that I am still very much in the middle of the learning process.
My true heart was revealed.
You see, I want to build a social media “empire” – I want to be able to live off my blogging and social media management and consulting.
And because I’ve recently “tasted” what that could look like, I’ve gotten greedy. I’ve pushed ahead where I should be plodding along.
I’ve “sold out” and lost myself in the process.
And I’m only just beginning the recovery process. I’m beginning to make decisions after bathing them in prayer (though I’m still a long ways from spending the amount of time in prayer that I ought, especially in this area of my life), rather than making the decisions then asking God to bless them.
I’m attempting to learn to seek God’s will FIRST, rather than running ahead with MY will and hoping He tags along.
I’m having to create a new “default” mode – learning to “rest” in reflection rather than jumping at every opportunity that presents itself.
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Thank You, Father, for making me rewrite this post. Thank You for the additional time to reflect on Your Word, finding a deeper application for my life. Forgive me for my rashness as I sped through the reading and tried to force an application in order to “appear spiritual.” I need to be “real,” giving YOU the glory, not seeking it for myself. Thank You for using Your Spirit to guide and mold me, prodding me when I wander from the path You have laid out for my life.
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What about you? Share your thoughts in the comments below…
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I’m joining Amy at Mom’s Toolbox in blogging through the Gospels.
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